Bad blogger!

  I am way behind again.  Part of the reason is oh, I'm feeling mooshie, in love and I don't want to this to be "love" blog.  It's a part of my daily life at the moment so I should get over it I guess.  Another eason is my birthday bombed.  Feb 6th I was so damn disappointed and frustrated I dove under my covers after a very long day at work and cried.  I wasn't in the mood for writing.  Plus I have been busy doing something every weekend again.  This weekend I stay home and I look forward to it!  So let's beging with the love part of it (cringe) cuz that comes first in the scheme of life. 

  My Salt Lake City friend came down the end of January.  He got a little lost and I had to go out to the drive way so he could find the right condo.  There was a hug and I can't remember a kiss so probably not.  He's fairly shy.  I invited him in and he said hi to my daughter who he met last summer when we were at Burning Man anyway.  And for the record, my daughter liked him right away when usually she doesn't like men.  She tells me, "He's fake."  So when I told her I was meeting him for a date back in Nov, she told me she liked him, he was "real."  I was surprised as I haven't heard her say that before.  Anyway, I offer him a drink of my home made Irish cream.  We look at each other for a bit and I say, "OK, happy hour!"  We needed to loosen up.  We went to my favorite Mexican restaurant where the margaritas are wonderful.  We got a booth in the bar and he slid over to the wall and pat the seat next to him.  (Wow, that was forward for him.)  The margaritas flowed and so did the conversation.  He makes me laugh all the time.  He's tall, 6'3' with blond hair and pretty light blue eyes.  He wears a goatee and is on the skinny side with big feet.  He's sorta... um... dorky, in a way.  My daughter is right tho, he is real.  What you see is what you get.  He doesn't hide much, he is who he is.  So we had our happy hour and went straight back to my house and up into the bedroom.  That is where I took off my butterfly necklace.

  It's been almost two years since I've slept with someone that I cared something about.  Now don't read much into that, when I go to Vegas I've slept in the same bed with my friends a few times and nothing went on, it was sleeping and I"m talking 'sleeping' here.  But this was different because it was cuddling some and me reaching out in the middle of the night to touch his shoulder to make sure he was there.  It was good to be asleep and have an arm suddenly reach around me and pull me close.  Even tho it woke me up a bit I couldn't help but smile.  I swear I will never take advantage of simple touch again. I did not want to leave in the morning and I could not wait to get back.  I left him sleeping tho he made half attempts at getting up because I was.  

  I hurried thru work and afterwards met for lunch.  Then we went hiking. He is almost 11 yrs older than me and can out hike me.  In fact, he has more energy than I do which has never happened before either.  Friday night was me cooking and more bedroom.  There was lots of bedroom time to get out of my system. Then Saturday it was off to Vegas to a burner party.

  We stayed with my friend and all dressed up burner style to go the party.  Here's what we looked like....

Me and my new beau

Well you can't see my black cowboy boots and my pink and black striped tights here.  Someone told me at one point that he liked my "wicked witch of the west" look.  Ha!  The party was also an early b-day party for me.  Lots of people showed and my attention was drawn else where for awhile.  He knew people there also and didn't hang around me.  He let me chat with others which was mostly men at first without getting possessive.  (Two points.)  I came back around to him often of course, he was my date and I like him.  There was drinking, laughter, fire spinning.  At midnight it started to rain so most people went in.  For some reason we were left out on the swing outside.  He was sitting and me standing.  I straddled him and put my arms into his coat and just laid there.  It was quiet since everyone else was inside and that was nice.  There were airplanes taking off and landing from McCarren airport, the city lights reflected in the clouds and just us.  I was not wearing my coat and he said something about going inside but no, I was loving the time away from the crowd and the big rain drops splashing down on my back was so real, so full of life.  The rain felt alive and I was warm enough.  That there was the best part of the night.    

  The next day was a lazy morning.  Usually I view sex as fun.  It's a great activity and I enjoy the heck out of it.  I do not as a rule call it making love.  In my experience, making love rarely happens but when it does, I get all teary eyed, all this emotion just wells up in me and overflows.  Myself, I did not expect that with him for a long time so when it happend Sunday morn I was shocked and embarrassed.  I hid it from him.  I rationed it away, "it's been a long time and it just feels good to be with someone again." No need for him to find out, it would probably freak him out.  It freaked me out! Already??? So I know I gotta tell him about this part of myself now.  I've seen it freak men out before so it's better to caution him.  I'm going to see him next weekend.  I think this is the weekend that will make us addicted to eachother.  We're close now but this is really going to do it.  And damn, long distance relationships are hard to do.  I hope he is real.

  Enough of that for now.    

  So onto the birthday crash.  I was so looking forward to turning 40 and being out with friends dancing.  I let my girlfriends boyfriend take over my birthday.  I named the people I wanted there and just wanted to go dancing.  He suggested using a friends party limo.  Cool.  Then it was blacklight miniature golfing on one side of town and then way over to Freemont Street for the dancing.  We could all ride together and such.  Nice.  Then he suggested inviting another couple.  Ok.  Then he wanted to add another couple for "sensuality."  Then it was another couple to be invited.  This was starting to get out of hand and alarm bells were going off.  I emailed him and said nicely, I didn't want a giant sex party and I like my current date and don't want to confuse things....  He toned down his response then and I felt a little better tho there was still this sense of dread about going.  I also felt like this was going to be the catalyst to their slow break up.  Not fun.  I just wanted to dance with my close friends!   Tuesday the 5th I realized this was going to be my last days of 30 something.  I was jazzed and called the kids to my fav Mexican restaurant.  I had the boys come by to pick me up so I wouldn't have to worry about driving.  The boys were nit-picking at each other, wrestling and seeing who could best who the whole way to the restaurant.  I finally asked them to stop and the still persisted.  Growl.  At the table the kept at it and I finally told them they were ruining my mood and this was the way they were going to be they could go home.  I would just wait for their sister to get off work and I'd be fine.  They finally calmed down and sort of sulked at that point.  I couldn't wait for my daughter to get there and when she did, things lightened up.  So I did go home in a good mood.  My girlfriend called me and was talking about my party plans Friday night.  She said something about $20 a head for gas.  I said, "What!? Back up!  He's charging people?"  I can understand gas costs and him not working so much lately but I didn't want people charged to come to my party.  I would have offered to pay for the gas.  And $20 a head?  That's a little extreme for as many people that were coming.  I was so upset.  It just spiraled down from there.  So I worried over it all night and finally told my girlfriend I was going to call in sick and this was between us only.  I know her boyfriend meant well, in his way, and I did not want to hurt his feelings by changing things again.  He's a great party organizer and he is very thoughtful and we all have our faults.  I like him lots but this was just not my idea any more.  My kids had the flu that was going around so there it was an easy excuse.  I emailed him and let him know I wasn't feeling good.  I was sick and I was sick in the heart from it all.  I played it up all the way. I was depressed all week. 

 My girlfriend made me a cake and came down here to me on the Friday we were all supposed to be going out.  The next day we ran around in the desert.  The weather was so nice we took the top down and wore our funky fur coats.  Here we are....

Us

We had fun anyway.  It wasn't what I expected at all but we still had fun.  So 40 was a a bomb.  Still I think it's cool to be 40 and I figure I can celebrate all my unbirthdays instead.  Lessons learned, I will be in charge of my birthdays from now.  I will plan them out exactly as I want.  I thought it was nice to let someone else do it for once but that didn't work. I'd rather be in control instead.  So yeah, I called in sick to my own party and I'll cry if I want to.    

  You know, I used to think calling a girl-friend my girlfriend was ewwww.  That was so grade school and now can imply a whole different thing but I find it totally comfortable these days.  It's been a long time since I had a girlfriend I got along so well with and I'm liking it. 

  So, that brings me up to skiing with my boys again last weekend.  We went to Flagstaff.  We rode the beginner slope a few time and then switchover on a trail to the intermediate slope.  We loved the fact that it was a 3 person chair lift.  But that's all we did was ride up together because the boys were passing me up like I was standing still.  Still I have so much fun with them.  The slope was steeper of course and when I first came up the steep part I kept repeating, "oh shit, oh shit."  I zig-zagged all the way down slowly and made it.  I can't afford a broken bone with carelessness being the only breadwinner in the family.  Then the boys talked me down a steeper slope.  I'm trying to get braver.  The older boy was ahead of me a bit and when he got to the drop off he pulled up on his snowboard and said, "oh!" shrugged and yelled, "bonzai!" and dropped out of sight.  The younger son slowed up and then just dove over too.  I knew I was in trouble.  There was lots of "oh shits" and very slow zig-zagging.  There was girl on a snowboard keeping pace with me only she was falling lots.  We were half way down and my legs were shaking so bad I had to take a break.  The snowboard girl says, "This is steep!" from behing me.  I agreed and told her I wasn't doing this run again.  After that I took an hour break.  The boys got two runs ahead of me.  We skied from 9am until 3 pm with the break.  I was exhausted. 

This was me at the beginning.

Here's the boys first thing, strapping up in grooved snow. We were so early this time. 

The youngest is always making faces.  The older boy had the coolest hat this time.

I think he was going for a drunk look here.

And here is me at the end of the day, sunburnt and damn tired.  It was well worth it tho. 

So this weekend I stay home.  Sort of.  I go hiking near here with my ex husband and the boys Saturday.  Then Sunday I will stay in all day probably doing crafts and such.  Speaking of which, here is the afghan I am working on.  I almost have the circles done then I will be putting it together with mroe black.  It's a scrap pattern. 

Afghan

 The many things I do.  No one has me quite figured out.